experience

Covered a motivation of and introduction to game theory for high school students, by way of demonstrating that other people's choices affect the choices we would like to make.

“List of top 5 people I want to be: (1) Derek Jeter; (2) Johnny Depp; (3) Andy Roddick; (4) Michael Burry; (5) Kyle Woodward”

“Kyle was really clear. He was effective, straightforward, and super helpful. He also gave us cookies, which in no way influenced my evaluation. Seriously, though, he was really good. Give him a raise, because he really works hard to make us learn.”

A six-week course covering an introduction to C++ programming. Things went well until I forced recursion and pointers into the final week; I do believe my three charges are more than capable of writing competent programs.

TA'd for a course with roughly twenty tenth-graders. Teaching this basic content did more to build my powers of explanation than any amount of training could have. I can still teach memorization of the quadratic formula by way of Row, Row, Row Your Boat.

Attempted to secure position programming; hired instead for mathematical aptitude. Analyzed company performance and provided decision support to executives. Designed sales compensation scheme which (may have) more-than-doubled revenue. Emphasized data accessibility and provided secure web interface to reports, individualized by employee. Earned own department and two employees. Modeled price sensitivity and vocally stood against price increases which later cost significant fraction of revenue. Learned that corporate buyout is financially nice but depression-inducing; came in third for quarter-mile time. Pioneered both March Is Moustache Month and Now Grill It Out.

Assisted in statistical programming and user interface design for software-based cancer detection. Determined that system was excellent at detecting citrus fruit.

Innovated and maintained the website of the Office of Freshmen and Transfer Students, and related properties. Migrated static site to /cgi-bin so that student content could be delivered dynamically and responsively. Improved GPA and discovered the benefits of a cushy job.

Coded and scraped address information for research into spatial monopolies in the asphalt market. Later, scraped data for use in contract research on antitrust and patent-gathering in the pharmaceutical industry.

Co-led event planning and chaired website design. Won national award for Outstanding Orientation Website; the Internet Archive does not record this. Successfully delivered 1600 new students to their dorms and classes with a minimum volume of tears from parents.

Graded peers' problem sets under the guise of alleviating graduate student stress. Came to understand the delicate balance of errors-in-grading and time-of-grading; derived optimal strategy.

Tutored undergraduate math courses, particularly calculus (of one and many variables), linear algebra, and differential equations. Developed useful teaching skills such as using a calculator and writing upside-down, and pointing left when I said "right." Learned persistence in attempting to explain concepts.

Coordinated on-campus transportation and signage for Stanford reunions. Camped out in the golf cart parking lot to run dispatch for 70 hours over four days. Discovered that golf carts can climb stairs; hospitalized due to being run over by same. Learned intricacies of worker's compensation.

Offered dial-in and dial-out support of the company network, setting up VPN connections remotely in twelve states and Puerto Rico. Learned to never say "click" when "left-click" is meant. Failed to receive a paycheck and similarly failed to receive appreciation for Windows networking.

Jointly RA'd a hall of rising high school seniors during a summer program at Columbia University. Hosted social events and trips around New York to keep students engaged. Encouraged teens to practice safe sex.

Moved boxes for a pregnant coworker. Innovated mail delivery by encouraging that the radio be tuned to top-40 rather than country (the hourly Ten Rounds with Jose Cuervo was hitting morale). Learned to effectively sort large stacks of documents, a skill regularly applied while TAing. Wore protective anthrax clothing to thwart terrorists. Garnered respect by eating a Triple Baconator in less than one minute.

Pedaled a bicycle around downtown Pittsburgh to deliver what I was asked. Competitive advantage since the only other courier company in town had just been shut down for drug running. Learned to work with ex-convicts. Due to the cost of Biggie-Sizing lunches (to maximize caloric intake) and the theft of a bicycle lock, made zero money. In light of this fact, tendered immediate resignation.

Wore camouflage to keep customers from knowing that I was an employee while stocking shelves. Learned how to properly throw a television, stereo system, or vacuum cleaner and then rebox it. Promoted to cashier because of my winning personality and ability to bullshit people into buying things they didn't need. Received death threats and was mentioned in a letter to the editor; quit to attend prom. Shortly after my resignation store management was terminated for presiding over the "highest-theft" store in the nation.

An unforgettable photograph deserves a safe place in the pantheon of Internet lore. Since LNKD creams me in the search results for my own name, it's good to know that a search for "monkey on acid" will lead the world unknowingly my way, without fail.

Have you ever been driving around town, gotten hungry, and thought, "Hey! I could use a burrito. But where should I go? Yelp won't work, since it's not burrito-specific. What's a guy to do?" Well search no more. This site is effectively deprecated, but provides everlasting documentation of a few holes-in-the-wall in the Menlo Park area (circa 2008).

A three-dimensional evolving cloud field which rotates with your phone; I find it calming. Since it would make for a stupid game, it's a wallpaper; move around enough and you'll see every face. There was nothing similar on the Android market so I wrote it myself.

A proposal for my extended family's website, superseded by political constraints. This version shipped with a Java-compiled app to upload photos and comments directly, to avoid server timeouts from standard HTML form uploading.

Old content from my halcyon days needed a server to give it new life, so it resides here. As of yet, nothing is "live" enough to make it to the homepage (due to the incompetent programming of youth), but someday Choose My Underwear will reappear. Get excited.

I was asked by a friend to join a grant for development of a piece of software to identify cancer from stained biopsy slides. The software works quite well, although I'm unclear on how many (if any) lives were saved.

During the senior year of my undergraduate education, my roommates and I decided that the one thing we needed most was a homemade bar. Nine months, a few dozen kegs and a handful of grade points later we were moving out, but were not interested in losing our dear asset. We staged a second-price auction, and were to be rewarded with a cool $500 before Housing issued and ultimatum that the bar must be disposed of post haste.

At a point in time, Klimb was the way to figure out information about appropriate cycling routes in the Bay Area (other than dropping by the local shops). Since I moved around frequently, I saw the need for something of the same style, but more dynamic; enter routeslipper. Today, there are a billion bike-route sites out there, and it seems a new one comes to the fore every few months. routeslipper was the first, if the least-loved.

Originally a website for wedding details, now the official site of my newly-founded nuclear family. A wedding photo search engine is up for interested parties.

Of limited interest to most but extreme interest to some, UCLA maintains a set of bicycle lockers which operate by phone. Trouble is, while they look free and clear many are secretly locked with no hope of parking a bicycle. This Android app provides information on which parking structures have available lockers and which do not.